I just want to Be!

I could die tonight or tomorrow or maybe next, I don't know but I feel it draw nearer with each breathe I take

Nothing matters at end of the day but I still worry about what nobody would think of or remember

I'd love to live, I try to live but only in the shadows I hope to leave a lasting footprint on the sand that no one would see when I am gone

How can simply being be harder than pulling the stunt that I can be the shoulder for everyone to cry on?

I was told that I can be an amazing writer only if I could be a little less of myself, and be more creative with my words. 

I don't want to be creative, I just want to know that I am not the only one who sees living as a chore I need to escape from through the back door of life.

It only gets heavier with the load I carry and I can't seem to see what it is. Crying is a therapy they said especially when you have a shoulder to lean on, if I'm not too strong for me I'd ask for yours.

I don't know how long I can hold on but I hope my will is as strong as you said enough to resist the urge to not see through this time.

"You are strong-willed" "you do whatever you want whenever you want to" "you are weird" but I'm only trying to be and I still don't know how.